Head of Programme Envisionment
Channel 4

Dear Ted

Thanks for your letter. Always good to hear from you guys at Scraping the Barrel Productions. However I’m not sure we can run with your latest idea.

It is indeed true, as you say, that most game shows have a ‘celebrity’ equivalent, and we are usually open to all such ideas, not least because it can work out quite cheap if all fees go to nominated charities, as well as pulling in extra viewers for the pleb version.

And, as you point out, even First Dates now has a celebrity version. But I’m not sure that the public or even the usual raft of D-listers will be up for Celebrity Naked Attraction. I’m well aware that there are many performers and politicians out there, and not only (though damn nearly only) has-beens and wannabes, who are desperate for more exposure. Only I don’t think this is the meaning of the word most of them are thinking of, especially in the current sensitive climate.

I know you would hope the show would mainly attract young, fit and buff starlets and sportspeople, but we have a commitment to diversity, and I must say the thought of Anne Widdecombe or Russell Grant being slowly exposed in all their substantial glory rather put me off my morning pain au raisin.

Also, given the rampantly incestuous nature of showbiz, there’s always the risk of someone squealing, Oh my God, it’s [insert star’s name here] at the sight of some dick or other. We can edit out the reaction, but what would we do about on and off screen repercussions?

But we aren’t kicking it into touch completely. There may be some version we can work with. And Anna says she’s up for presenting it as long as Sue’s never one of the bodies on display.

All the best